The Gallon Challenge II College - Junior Year www.brianalba.com

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• Once again, it's that time of the year when Marion's best and brightest gather to participate in one of mankind’s most idiotic acts of all time. That’s right, it’s time for the Gallon Challenge II! • In the left corner, the challenger weighs in with one gallon of Standard 2% Milk. He is currently 0-1 after his loss last year in an early knockout after the 15th minute. With last year’s champion sitting out this year, this could be his opportunity to win his first title. Ladies and gentlemen, from Marion, Virginia, please welcome back RICHARD!! • In the corner to my right, another challenger weighs in with one gallon of Chocolate 2% Milk. This will be her first attempt at the title, the first attempt ever at chocolate milk, and the first ever girl challenger. Ladies and gentlemen, gallon challenge fans from all over Marion, please welcome one of Sugar Grove’s brightest stars, AMANDA!! • At the halfway point, 30 minutes into the match, Richard has resorted to reading a Sports Illustrated magazine to distract his attention from the pain in his stomach. Notice the Virginia Tech Hokies are featured on the front cover and listed in 6th place for the SI - NCAA college pre-season rankings. Lets hope that we are under-rated since Miami was listed in 3rd. • Out of nowhere, the chocolate milk hits Amanda with a one-two jab and she goes down. Amanda exits the competition just after the halfway mark, with a half a gallon down... or back up... or in the water closet. • Soon, she has regained her composure, and manages to sparkle a smile to the world. After all, Amanda is the same kind of pioneer to the gallon challenge as Annika Sorenstam was to professional golf. • Richard pins the gallon of milk into a corner. He jabs with a left, a right, another left, and a left-right combo. His arms look like a hurricane against the timid 2% milk. Then, the crowd rises to their feet as the milk sends Richard flying to the toilet with one swift upper-cut. Later, after the competition was over, he claimed that he had no clue what happened. He was simply planning on going to the bathroom, and then the toilet was just calling him to join it. Before he knew what was happening, it was over. With only about a pint remaining, and 15 minutes to drink it in, the defeat was too much to bear. So, by default, Brian Alba remains the defending champion. Maybe next year someone will dethrone him.

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